My Way Home Is Through You
by DeadToLove
Summary: Collab with Blood again. These updates may be slower because of school./ Gerard has just experienced 9/11. Distraught, nightmares torture him every night. When Gerard calls up an old friend, Mikey doesn't know what to think. Of course, he's had a crush on Ray since he first met him, but still. What about Gerard and the gorgeous frontman of Pencey Prep? Rikey, and eventual Frerard.
1. Chapter 1

The tortured screams coming from two floors below me shattered my concentration. I quickly dropped my book, and raced down to the basement. My older brother, Gerard, who had expierenced watching 9/11 through his own eyes four days ago, was having nightmares about it everytime he attempted to sleep. I yanked open the basement door, ignoring the looks from my parents, and threw open the door at the bottom of the steps. Gerard was twisted in his sheets, thrashing around and screaming. I could see tears on his face, and I felt tears prick my own eyes at the sight of him like this. I sat on the side of his bed, and began to attempt to shake him awake.

"Gee...Gerard, you need to wake up..." I whispered, shaking him gently. Gerard awoke at my touch, and stared up at me, fear shining in his glazed eyes. He was drunk again, as I figured. I gently brushed the hair from his face, waiting for his breathing to calm, but it didn't. He began to cry loudly, and all I could do was pull him in my arms and let him cry in my chest. I ran my fingers through his greasy hair, hoping to untangle it a bit, while he shivered and sobbed into my chest. I held him tightly, beginning to rock him gently. He slowly quieted, and I waited until he was calm enough before I spoke.

"Do you need to talk about it Gerard?" I said quietly, waiting for an explosion. There was none, surprisingly.

"Yeah..." He finally mumbled.

"Do you-"

"Can you bring me the phone?" Gerard suddenly said, getting out of bed.

"Uh...sure?" I said. My feelings were kind of hurt. He was proably going to tell Gramma what happened instead of me. Like usual. Sighing, I went upstairs to get the phone, and took it back down to him. To my surprise, he didn't dial Gramma's number. He dialed someone elses, someone I hadn't spoken to in months, or thought I would have ever seen again. When his voice came through the speaker, my heart began to pound a thousand miles per hour in my chest.

"Hello?" Ray's voice came through the speaker.

"Ray? It's Gerard. Meet me at the cafe."

And it was that day, that I saw Ray Toro, my longtime crush, for the first time in four months.


	2. Chapter 2

I got to the cafe early. I had to. Even though I was there for Gerard, I was really hoping to see his brother. Don't get me wrong, Gerard was probably my best friend, and I loved him, I really did, but...I loved Mikey too. In an entirely different way. Mainly because I was Gee's friend as he was mine, and he loved me back. Mikey did not love me back. Mikey wasn't even fucking gay.

I ordered a coffee and found a private table in the corner, where we could talk without people staring at us. It unnerved, Gerard, people staring at him. Everything unnerved Gerard.

My heartbeat sped up when the bell on the door rang as it opened, and I saw the bronze hair and hazel eyes, and that sharp, alert face. Following it came a slightly rounder, slightly softer face, less tough and less observant. Mikey's eyes were protective but warm, and his lips crept into a tiny smile when he saw me. I had to fight not to swoon - can you imagine that: swooning? - whilst remembering to smile back, just a little, not wanting to look too keen. Mikey let Gee step around him and sit opposite me, and then took the chair beside me. The waitress shimmied over to try and get two more orders out of us, which she succeeded in, and then Mikey looked regretful and awkward and, hell, cute as fuck.

"Do you...Do you mind if I stay?"

I'm about to say, "Oh, no of course not!", but Gerard answers instead, and I blush a little at the almost faux-pas, earning a tiny sweet smile from Mikey, which distracts me so much I can't concentrate on what Gee actually says. However, Mikey's shoulders and jaw slacken and he seems more relaxed, though the frown remains right where it always is. He always looks worried. _Always._ I want to take that away from him; I want to be the one to save him; I want him to just be _okay_. He deserves it more than anyone I know.

But today is for Gerard, so I tear my gaze from his beautiful brother and take in his own puckered forehead. "Gee..."

He nods, sighs, shrugs. "I know, Ray..." His eyes bore into mine and they're full of bitterness and sorrow and desperation, an absolute _need_ for salvation. Someone needs to save him, too. Both these guys need saving.

"You need to talk about it?"

"Yeah...I...I just...I don't know where to start."

I look at him with as much sympathy as I can muster.

"How about the beginning?"

So he begins to tell me everything, and my eyes widen and I gasp and I laugh and I fight tears back when I have to. And throughout the conversation, Mikey moves closer and closer and closer to me, so that by the time Gerard's finished telling me, and I've finished trying to help him, he's practically on my knee, our fingers entwined. Heart pounding so loud I'm sure the entire cafe can hear it, I look down and blush at the ten extremities interlocked with each other.

"I love you," I splutter, in my head, where I'm brave.

"I love you too," he replies, in my head, where life works right.

"We'd, ah..." He coughs awkwardly. "We'd probably better go now," he says, in reality, where Gerard is standing up and Mikey's hand is out of mine so he can chug the rest of his cappuccino.

"Ah...I...yeah. Bye, Mikes," I smile. "Bye, Gee!" I call to him. "You'll call me, yeah? I'll see you Saturday."


	3. Chapter 3

I let Gerard nap on me after we got home. His head lay on my lap, and I played with his hair absentmindly, and sipped at my coffee while reading a book I bought from the bookstore where I worked. It was actually pretty good, but Gerard's constant rolling over and snoring was pretty distracting. I finally gave up, and leaned my head back on the couch, shutting my eyes.

I must've fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, a blanket was tossed over me. And a note was on my lap.

_Mikey,_

_Your snoring woke me up. You really need to sleep more, kid, you look like you haven't slept in weeks. I went to Ray's, so whenever you wake up, if I'm not back, head on over, yeah? Love ya bro. _

_-g_

I stuck the note in my pocket, and stood up, stretching. I tried to untangle my hair before I left, but quickly gave up and headed over to Ray's.

When I got there, Gerard was passed out on Ray's couch, a blanket thrown over him. His mouth was open slightly in his signature sleeping face, and he was snoring quietly. I glanced around, hunting for Ray. Unable to find him, I went into the kitchen and found him leaning against the counter, talking to his mother. His shirt was riding up a little, revealing his cute stomach and v trail. I gulped, and knocked on the door frame. Ray glanced up, and grinned at me, making me melt, and my heart skipped a few beats.

"Hey Mikey." God, the way my name sounded when he said it was so...unf. I actually zoned out for a few seconds, thinking about...well, not so innocent thoughts.

"Mikey?" Ray snapped his fingers in front of my face. I jumped and then blushed. Like, tomato red blushing.

"oh... What?" I managed to say, trying to convince my face to unredden in my head.

"I said hey."

"Oh...hey." I smiled at him. A low snore from the living room broke the silence.

"How long has he been asleep?"

"Awhile. He wasn't here twenty minutes before he fell asleep on my shoulder." Ray pushed away from the counter, and walked back into the living room. I trailed after him, and watched as he tucked another blanket around my brothers small shoulders. Gee quit shivering, and was snoring softly, curled into a ball.

"He'll sleep for hours." I glanced at my brothers tired features, dark lines and shadows under his eyes. I kissed his forehead, noticing the slight temperature rise. If he was sick, I needed to get him home.

"He's running a fever, I know. But he's fine. Ma said that it's probably exhaustion induced, and it's not a very high fever either. It's pretty low." Ray said, crouching beside me. I frowned.

"I wish I could've done more..." I whispered.

"Aw...Mikes...don't be like that. It's not your fault. Don't blame-"

"But I'm his brother, Ray! He's supposed to tell me everything! He's supposed to trust me!" My lip began to quiver, and I tried to force the tears back, but exhaustion and stress was catching up with me. My few hours of sleep hadn't helped at all. "Ray, he's supposed to let me in, but he's not and I'm afraid and...and..." I finally broke. Right there, while sitting on the floor with Ray and my sleeping brother, I broke down. I felt arms around me, and nothing but soothing words and soft humming filled my ears as I sobbed loudly against Ray's chest. He rocked me gently, rubbing my back and holding me while I broke down in his arms. I finally cried myself to sleep there, clinging to him as if he were my only lifeline existing on the Earth. Which, at this point, besides my brother, he was.

-M-W-H-I-T-Y-

I woke up tangled in Ray's arms,as we lay slumped on the floor. My brother was still asleep, on his back now, and Ray was hugging me close while laying on his side with his back against the couch as he slept. Both of them were snoring quietly, and I couldn't help the quiet giggle that escaped my mouth. I curled into him, and he snuggled against me, snorting under his breath. His lips were so close to mine...so kissable...so...perfect...

My lips brushed his before I could stop them, and when I realized what I was doing and went to pull away, I realized that...Ray was kissing me back! His hands slipped to hold my hips, and mine tangled in his hair as our make-out session progressed. I ended up straddling his lap as he sat up, leaning against the couch. His hands were going everywhere on me, and my hands were in his hair and my tongue was dancing with his. It was just so...amazing and perfect and incredible and I never wanted it to end.

...until my brother woke up and cleared his throat.

"What are you doing?" He asked, sleepy and confused. And then we ripped apart.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys! It's Blood, sorry it took us so long to update._. I disappeared. So don't blame my co-writer who actually has the ability to do things on time! My fault...oopsie. Anyway, here ya go. A bit late... Sorry for being so damn long xD**

I didn't see Gee's face, because I was too occupied with his brother's, but from his tone of voice I could easily picture the sleepiness and ignorance to the situation that would be tattooed all over it. Mikey quickly pulled away from me, and, a little wounded and a little shocked, I pulled back too, keeping hold of his hands. They were freezing. I snapped my head up to look at Gerard, who was sitting on the sofa, still half-asleep and a little dazed.

"We were just, ah..."

"Making out?" Gee finished for me, raising an eyebrow not exactly judgementally, but not exactly approvingly, either. A smile teased at his lips. "I didn't know you were, um..."

"Gay?" I finished for him this time, and Mikey did this adorable giggle-blush-cringe thing into my chest. I wrapped my arm around him, our fingers still entwined, and though at first he was rigid, he moulded to my chest soon enough.

"Oh, god, no... I knew _that_ ages ago. I didn't know you liked each other."

Mikey nodded and did that half-cringing thing again, biting his lip and adding, "Well, ah...Neither did we."

Gerard did smile at that, and he leaned back, resting on the back of the couch and closing his eyes for a second, swallowing a yawn. "So my brother and best friend are dating now? Great. Way to make me feel like the third wheel." But he winked; it was obvious he was just joking.

He dozed off and I untangled myself from Mikey, who looked a little anxious until I held out my hand to pull him up from the floor, and led him into the kitchen, making us both coffee. I perched down opposite him at the kitchen table and looked around, wondering where my mother was. Her phone and keys were gone, so maybe she'd gone shopping or something.

"Are we?" I asked, continuing the conversation from earlier. I hadn't stopped obsessing over it since he'd said the words, but clearly Mikey had, as he had no clue what I was talking about.

"Are we what?" he wondered, puzzled, sipping his coffee and edging his glasses back up his face with a crinkled nose.

"Dating," I explained, in a rushed kind of tumble of words. "Are we dating?" The look of confusion lingered. "Gerard said..."

He interrupted me, thankfully, before I made everything even more awkward. His mouth was straight but his eyes sparkled a little with something that could have been a smile.

"I...ah..." There was a pause, and his shoulders sagged, before he breathed in deeply and continued, "I have tickets for a gig on Sunday. I'm taking Gerard, but we have a spare..."

I smiled, looking down at the table nervously. "Sure. I mean, that'd be great... If you want me to go, I mean. Like, I..."

I trailed off, and his eyes glistened again. "I'd love it if you came," he promised, and outstretched his hand across the table. I smiled back, with my mouth and my eyes, not just one, and squeezed his hand.

"Awesome. I mean, thank you..."

"They're coming on at 7. Shall we pick you up at 6? We could get something to eat first, if you wanted..."

I smiled at him shyly again. "Great. I mean, that sounds..." I didn't know what to say; why was I being so awkward. He grinned at me though: an actual proper real smile from Mikey Way. Unbelievable.

He chugged his coffee and squeezed my hand again, getting up and dumping his cup in the sink. "Would you mind if I...Well, I'm kinda tired, and I..."

I nodded understandingly - the kid looked like he hadn't slept in months, frankly - and took him into the sitting room, to find Gee now sprawled out across pretty much the entire room. He was laying on his front, legs and arms spread widely apart on the sofa, with his legs hanging over the arms and up the back at weird angles, and one hand almost brushing the bottom of the coffee table. I rolled my eyes at Mikey, who eye-glistened at me in response, and took him upstairs instead, showing him into my room instead of the guest bedroom. He didn't seem like a 'guest', at least not in the sense that entitled him to bland, crisp floral sheets and a dull beige colour scheme. My room was messy and lived-in and had...personality. Mikey would like that more, anyway.

Mikey smiled with his eyes again, grateful this time, and I shut the door to and followed him as he slowly wandered around my room, touching the guitars on the wall as if in awe.

"You've been in my room before, Mikes," I laughed, as he stroked, actually stroked, my favourite. An SG Gibson, way too expensive and way too perfect. He laughed at me in reply, especially when I edged closer to him to ensure the safety of the guitar.

"I'll be careful, I promise," he said, but pulled away nonetheless. "Do you mind if I just...sleep?" he checked, looking nervous again.

"Not at all. You look exhausted," I frowned, and he nodded.

"Yup. Well..." He climbed onto the bed and under the covers, still in his clothes, and he simply...shut his eyes. I drew the curtains and went to sit by him, stroking his hair until he fell asleep in my arms.


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't realize I was so tired until I lay down in Ray's bed. I closed my eyes, feeling the exhaustion sink in. I felt him begin to play with my hair, and I instantly fell asleep in his arms, so comfortable and happy.

~X.x.X~

"Wake up sleepy heads...did I interupt something?" I heard my brother laugh. I ignored him, and curled closer into Ray's arms. I felt him shift, and yawn, and then him mumble something. I didn't hear him, but I felt my body begin to shut down into sleep mode again.

~X.x.X~

I felt something cold hit my face. I sat up sputtering. Gerard and Ray began to laugh at me. I grumbled at them and gave them the finger before burrowing into Ray's sheets again. They smelled good...like him. I was so warm. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep now though. Dickheads. I huffed, and got up. My hair was a mess, and my nose was stuffed. I need a shower. And coffee.

Gerard's hair was wet, and he was wearing some of Ray's clothes.

"You can use the shower." Ray smiled at me- did I mention he had a gorgeous smile- and handed me some clothes. I took them, and went to use the shower.

~X.x.X~

We stood in the crowd at the gig that night, trying to avoid mosh pits. My brother had a beer in his hand, sipping at it. Ray did as well, but he'd drank more than Gerard did and was slightly tipsy. I stuck to soda, because obviously I wasn't at legal age to drink yet. I mean, I probably could've gotten away with it if I wanted too, but I didn't.

Ray slid up behind me, grabbing my ass. I made this odd sqwaking noise, making him laugh. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I leant my head on his shoulder after a second. I felt something against my ass. ...oh. I felt my cheeks redden, and he chuckled at me.

"Sorry Mikes...can't help it when your around." He breathed in my ear. I giggled, and it was really high pitched.

~X.x.X~

I threw my head back, a soft gasp escaping my throat. Ray whimpered against my neck, his hands gripping the sheets. I managed to tangle my hands in his hair, pressing my body closer. He kissed me, and I kissed him back, trying to keep quiet so Gerard wouldn't hear.

~X.x.X~

I woke up tangled in Ray's arms. He was still asleep, breathing softly. Memories of last night flew through my brain, and I realized the dull ache all over my body. It didn't matter though. Last night was just to incredible for it to matter.

I watched him sleep for a few minutes before crawling out of my bed, and slipping a pair of pajama pants on. I walked downstairs as quiet as possible to get a cup of coffee. Gerard sat at the kitchen table, sipping a mug, in his pajama pants and t-shirt yet. I blushed when I passed him, getting a mug and pouring some coffee in it.

"So...you two weren't very quiet." Gerard started, a smirking on his lips.

"Shut up, Gee..." I stuck my tounge out at him.

"If he doesn't remember, will it upset you? He wa pretty drunk last night." Gerard sounded worried.

"No...I know he was drunk...If he didn't remember it wouldn't surprise me." But I could hear the hurt sound in my voice. We sat in silence.

Ten minutes later, I heard footsteps come down the stairs.

"Hey Mikes." He smiled at me. "Is there a reason why I woke up naked in your bed?" I felt my heart begin to break.

"Oh..uhm...no..." I felt tears fill my eyes, and Gerard catch my arm.

"Mikey..."

"I'm going to shower..." I mumbled, running upstairs. I didn't cry until I was in the shower, and washing the memories of last night off my body.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, baby." Mikey looked startled as I greeted him, still wrapped in a towel with wet hair flopping adorably over his glasses-less eyes as he stumbled out of the bathroom. The look in his eyes when he realised it was me was relieved, hurt and betrayed all at the same time.

"What's wrong?" I frowned when he pushed straight past me. He wasn't normally like this, not even hungover. I bent down so we were exactly level and stared into his eyes, holding his wrist loosely so he couldn't run away. He blinked hard and made a show of looking away, but his deep hazel eyes were clouded with tears.

"Nothing," he pouted, still refusing to face me. "Nothing at all." There was an angry pause. "How was last night?" he spat, and then he pulled away from me and slammed the bedroom door. He was upset, then. He always got angry when he was upset. And I had upset him. Last night-

Oh! Oh my god. _Of course_. How could I have not _realised _earlier?

Oh god. "Mikey?" I banged on the door. I could have just walked in, but I didn't want to make him even madder. I'd say I didn't want to startle him if he was naked or something, but...well, I guessed that was kind of irrelevant now.

"Mikes! Open up." He didn't, so I waited for another impossibly long minute and then just opened the door myself. It was harder than it should have been, but I didn't realise until after I was inside that he'd moved my bookcase to block the door. How childish. How..._Mikey_.

"Get out!" he cried, pulling on his skinny jeans in the angriest fashion one can pull on skinny jeans. It would have been hilarious if I'd been allowed to laugh at that moment in time.

"It's my room, Mikes," I pointed out, pulling my hands out of my pockets and raising them in a half-shrug and half-surrender. "Besides, I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you!" he shouted back, rummaging on the floor for a clean(ish) t-shirt. I bent down next to him and handed him my Misfits one; he took it but didn't waver from his pout/frown.

"Please, Mikes..." While he tugged the shirt over his head, I stood up and wrapped my arms around his still-bare stomach. I felt him breathe in sharply but not out again, and slowly (and, evidently reluctantly), relax against me.

"Don't touch me," he protested half-heartedly, pulling the t-shirt down as far as it would go before my arms were in the way. It looked a little like a weird baggy crop top.

"Don't tell me you don't like it," I whispered against his neck, my breath tickling him. He shuddered, from pleasure or from pain, and I kissed where I saw his pulse pounding against his throat, and moved my lips down his neck, along his collarbone and right to his shoulder, the pecks becoming quicker and longer and harder so they pretty much turned into some sort of fiery passionate _lick_.

"Well..." He sounded like he wanted to continue, but then he sighed deeply and braced himself against me. I tightened my grip around his stomach and he leaned further into me, stretching to kiss me on the cheek. I buried myself in his shortish hair and nuzzled his neck until he moaned, "You were too drunk to even remember." It took me a second to realise that the sudden succession of wetness dripping onto the top of my head was his tears.

"Oh, baby!" I murmured frantically but as reassuringly as possible into his ear, wanting to keep him calm. "Hey, hey, it's okay..." I moved around so I was in front of him, keeping my arms wrapped around his waist. I shifted my hands to his hips and pressed them there a little, kissing his nose and every single tear as it fell. He shut his eyes so I very lightly kissed his eyelids too, his wet lashes brushing against my bottom lip deliciously. I pulled away and his eyes drifted open, drier than before but still clouded with concern.

"You forgot." His tone was not accusatory just wounded. I kissed him chastely on the lips, but he didn't kiss me back (though he didn't push me off him either, I guess).

"I didn't...I was... Well, I was drunk."

"And you fucked me." Okay, it was accusatory now. His eyes still showed how hurt he was, though, and all traces of anger seemed to have evaporated.

"Yes, but..."

"No _buts_, Ray! You fucked me and then you forgot! I remembered and you-you-"

I cut him off. "Yes, Mikes, I've forgotten! I was pissed, it's not my fault!"

"You were the one who decided to get fucking drunk in the first place!"

"You were the one who thought it seemed like a good idea to shag me anyway!"

He stepped back, and my arm fell down by my sides like lead weights "I didn't mean that," I muttered, but he didn't hear me anyway.

"Get the _fuck_ away from me," he cussed when I took a baby step forward. I persisted though, tiptoeing towards him, and he didn't try to get out of my way.

"I don't want you to touch me," he insisted, when I raised my hand and let it hover by his face. However, I took a silent deep breath and let my index finger and thumb caress his cheek, and he never moved away.

"I'm sorry I forgot, Mikey." I was panting already, hard. "But...I'm not drunk now."

I pulled him into a rough hug and felt him smile into my chest, and when I kissed the top of his wet hair, he replied: "So you'd remember?"

I nodded, sliding my fingers into the pocket of his jeans and pushing my thumbs down between his thin waist and the fabric of his boxers. He gasped at the touch, but never protested.

"So I'd remember," I echoed him, and all at once he'd somehow dragged me over to the bed, and the jeans I'd been touching were gone, along with the boxers. I pulled his t-shirt off while he unfastened my belt, and then came my shirt and jeans, and then my hands were in his hair, and he was kissing me: my hair, my face, my shoulders, my chest, my stomach, my dick...woah.

And then he was leaning over, naked, looking for something in my cupboard. "Top drawer," I informed him, gasping. The last thing before Mikey was Gerard shouting '_keep it _down_, guys_' from downstairs and neither of us giving a fuck. Then Mikey was there and nothing else mattered at all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, Dead here. So, basically, I'm in charge of Mikey and Frank, and Blood is in charge of Ray and Gerard. We share Matt, but Matt won't really be a big part of this story. Bob will be though. That should be interesting to see where THAT battle leads. Haha. Maybe you guys will see it, maybe you won't. ...don't worry, you won't see it. **

**Anyway, my lovely co-author won't be back till Friday, so you should get a chapter this weekend. (I'll bug her to write it my pretties.) ****This chapter is really long to make up the fact that Blood will be gone for a few days, so I hope all of you like it!** I won't bore you with anymore of my rambling.

**xoxoxo,**

**Dead**

I think the band started somewhere between Ray and I's new-found relationship, and meeting Frank Iero. (But I'll get to that later.)

Ray and I did start dating officially later after our little...make-up sex thing. Gerard just rolled his eyes when we told him, and Ray's mom squealed and hugged me non-stop. Ray's dad was pretty chill. As long as Ray was happy, he didn't really care who he dated of either gender. My mom was skeptic, but accepted it. My dad just smiled slightly and nodded, accepting that whatever he said wouldn't change my mind what-so-ever.

Basically, our relationship was pretty average. You know, holding hands in public, kissing and stuff, hugging all the time on the sidewalk.

Now onto meeting Frank. Well, since Gee had this whole "let's start a band" idea, we found a place to practice. The thing was, they had no open slots for us to practice in. As we began to leave, this short chubby guy with tons of tattoos grabbed Gerard's arm. Gerard nearly jumped out of his skin. Gerard sucked with people, as you know.

"Hey...uh...my band can share a slot with you guys...uhm...if you want... I'm Frank by the way. Frank Iero." The guy said. He looked about 15, but he had a mustache...ah well. Who knows? I shouldn't be one to judge by appearances.

"I'm Gerard. This is my brother, Mikey, and his boyfriend, Ray. My friend Matt was supposed to come with us, but he was busy today." Gerard said after he unfroze. Frank grinned, relieved that Gerard was cool with it. He began leading us back to a practice room. We shrugged out of our coats, and Gerard, went to shake his hand.

"This is really nice of you, Frank. We can't thank you enough for letting us-"

"Oh, it's no problem. We have a gig in a few hours, but you can practice for a half hour first if you want." Frank cut my brother off. He grinned cheekily, and shook Gerard's hand.

"Great. Yeah...that'd be great."

-x.x.x-

I danced with Ray at Frank's band's gig that night. They weren't bad. Ray's hands held my waist as we danced, and mine held his shoulder. Gerard was off, I didn't know where though. Ray leaned in and kissed me in front of everyone. I melted against him, my arms wrapping around his neck. We made out for a good five minutes, and then pulled apart. I went to find Gee, only to find him drunk off his ass with his tongue down some chicks throat. I noticed Frank notice him, and the flash of hurt that went over his face. What?

"C'mon Gee..." I gently tugged him off the girl. He looked at me funny for a second, then latched onto me and clung to my shirt. He nuzzled his face into my neck. Oh yeah, beyond drunk. He tended to get clingy and cuddly when he was drunker than usual. I pulled him to a table, and sat down, letting him snuggle up against me and quiet. I kept my arm around his shoulder. Gerard's eyes never left Frank's face.

-x.x.x-

"Did you like the show the other night, Gerard? You know, when your tongue wasn't _shoved down_ some random chick's throat?" Frank said coldly, anger written all over his features. It turned out he was nineteen, just really short for his age.

"W-What?" Gerard looked terribly confused.

"Never mind. You probably won't even_ remember_ our show." Frank snarled.

"Frank, what's wrong with you?" Gerard asked, hurt all over his features.

"Just leave me alone! Fucking asshole..." Frank stomped out of the practice studio. Gerard stared after him, and I went after Frank.

"Dude, what's your fucking problem with Gerard?" I snapped, grabbing his shoulder.

"Fuck off."

"Frank-"

"I said fuck off Mikey!"

"AND I SAID FUCKING TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM WITH GERARD IS FRANK!" I screamed in his face. He jumped, fear flashing across his face. Good.

"IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING ISSUE WITH MY BROTHER, AND YOUR NOT GOING TO FUCKING TELL ME WHY, YOUR GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME! GOT IT?! GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER, AND TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK THE PROBLEM SO I CAN FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM! ALRIGHT?! IT'S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! OR ARE YOU ACTUALLY THAT FUCKING STUPID!?" I yelled in his face. We were being stared at, but I was to pissed off to care. Frank was trembling, and I towered over him. I felt arms gently wrap around my waist and pull me back.

"Babe...Mikey...c'mon baby...calm down...it's okay...it's okay." Ray's voice filled my ears. I wiggled against him, trying to attack Frank. He whirled me around and kissed me hard. All my anger melted away, and I kissed him back hungrily. He smiled against my lips, and continued to kiss me for a few more minutes before he released me and wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled into him, closing my eyes.

"He's just tired, Frank. He doesn't mean it."

"I know." Frank mumbled. I was actually starting to fall asleep standing up.

"...Frankie? Can I talk to you?"

"Sure Gee..."

Then I was under.

-x.x.x-

(Frank POV)

I didn't really understand what happened. I mean, we went back to Ray's, and Ray had carried Mikey up to his room, Mikey had fallen asleep at the practice building, and then Gerard and I had been talking, just talking, and then there really aren't words. One minute, we were at separate ends of Ray's couch, and then I was pinned beneath Gerard, and he was kissing me hungrily, and I was kissing him back. I heard myself groan, and he giggled, and then moaned as I bit his neck. Let me tell you right now, Gerard Way moaning was the fucking sexiest thing ever. He was sexy. He was gorgeous. I wanted him. I needed him. I...

"Gerard-" I gasped, "-we have to...stop! We're at...uhn...Ray's! Mm...stop..." I stammered. He immediately moved away, looking down in rejection.

"Hey..." I lifted his chin. "I'm not saying I don't want to, because believe me, I do. Just not here. Not right now. I don't want to be a one time fling, Gerard. That doesn't work with me...not after..." I looked away.

"...tell me."

"Just...I had a girlfriend for awhile...Jamia...I loved her, and I thought she loved me. We broke up a month or two back, and the night before the gig the other night, she called me up and said she wanted me back. I fell for it...all she wanted was a quick fuck, then she laughed in my face and kicked me out. I don't want to fucking do it again, Gerard."

"I won't do that to you, Frankie. I promise. I pinky promise." He held out his pinky. I took it, and laced our pinkies.

-x.x.x- (About a month later)

My nails scratched down his back and he moved roughly against me. I couldn't stay quiet, throwing my head back in a moan as Gerard's headboard hit the wall repeatedly. Mikey was at Ray's, Gerard's parents weren't home, and I hadn't craved anyone as badly as I craved Gerard ever. He moaned loudly, his hands gripping the sheets. My hands slipped down his back to hold his hips. He took my hand from me and pinned it above my head. I whimpered as he got rougher with me.

"Gee...Gee..." I whimpered.

"Mmm...ah...ready baby?" He groaned in my ear.

"Mmm...y-yeah...ah..." I gasped. He shoved into me one last time, and I slumped back into the sheets, moaning out my release. He groaned loudly before pulling out of me. He went into the bathroom, and came back in his boxers, cleaned up, and then began to clean me up. I moaned softly as he kissed my stomach when he was done. He grabbed my boxers off the floor, and slid them up over my hips. I'd lost a lot of weight, as had he, and I was pretty thin now. As was Gee. He lay beside me, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I snuggled into him, shutting my eyes. I heard his breathing begin to even out, and then he began to snore softly in my ear. I began to drift off myself, snuggled and content in his arms.

-x.x.x-

"I got you guys a gig!" I said, joining them in the diner. I slid in the booth beside Gee, and snuggled into his side when his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I turned and pecked his lips before giving Mikey and Ray some of my attention. They were holding hands on the table, sitting as close to each other as possible.

"Really?" Ray grinned. I nodded, smiling back.

"When?" Mikey asked.

"Tonight!" I chirped.

"Tonight? What time?"

"Eight thirty." I said, waiting for the explosion of happiness. Actually, I got blank stares.

"Tonight...you got us a gig...in an hour...with no time to fucking practice?!" Mikey yelled at me. I looked at him with a straight face.

"Tired again, Mikey?"

"Shut the hell up!" Gerard suddenly yelled at me. I felt my eyes widen in fear, and I pulled away from him.

I kept my eyes on the table, waiting for him to yell at me again. I watched something wet drop onto the table where I was staring. Great. I was crying. _In fucking public_.

Another tear dropped, and I sniffled. I began to get up to leave. I felt Gerard grab my arm.

"...don't cry. I'm sorry... Please don't go Frankie." Gerard whispered. I sat back down, and let him hold me close while rubbing my back until I calmed down.

"We're just all tired and nervous Frankie. We were practicing all night and most of today at Ray's, and got about an hours sleep before we were all dragged out of bed by your phone call. That, and Mikey's a little nervous about performing for the first time in front of people. I am too. And I don't know what Ray feels." Gerard explained in a soothing voice. Ray just kind of shrugged.

-x.x.x-

That night, I stood on a chair and watched the first My Chem show. Gerard and Mikey were fucking drunk, and Ray headbanged non-stop. Some guy I didn't know was playing drums. I wished I could be up there with them, playing on stage with my boyfriend and my two best friends, listening to teenagers scream along to "Skylines and Turnstiles.", and basically, to play in my favorite band.

I didn't realize that eventually my dream would become a reality.


	8. Chapter 8

Frank and I started dating properly after that. He was so adorable, and so romantic, it was difficult to understand why I hadn't fallen for him the first time I saw him, when he grabbed my arm in the practice room. We'd been dating for three months - the best three months of my entire life, easily - when my cell started vibrating against my thigh in my jeans pocket. Ray, Mikey and I were in a diner, discussing Matt - more, what to do about him. He was an amazing person, really, and being the eldest, he kinda kept us sane. But...he wasn't really very good at playing live shows. Once we'd gotten over our initial nerves about playing in front of an actual audience (usually with the help of half a liquor store), we were decent. And we all adored it. But Matt...he couldn't keep up, couldn't keep in time, and we all relied on him to keep _us_ in time with one another.

Anyway, the phone call. I chugged the rest of my coffee and pulled it out of my pocket, answering without checking the caller ID.

"Hey?" I answered, my tone half questioning. I seriously needed to start checking who I was about to speak to.

"Gee?" Frank only said one word, but it was impossibly easy to recognise that he was bawling. His own voice had a question in it, but it sounded more like he was seeking reassurance than answers.

"Frankie, baby? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Panic, then concern clouded my voice, and I stood, walking away from the table and not looking back. I hovered outside the diner while Frank gushed, half incoherent because he was crying so much.

"I...no, no, no... The band... Pencey... They, we- We've broken up, but no one-no one told me and I-I just...I don't know what to do...it...I... Gerard!" he shouted finally, his voice breaking in defeat. "Gee," he mumbled, so softly I barely even heard it.

"Shh, shh, Frankie, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay," I promised him, crossing my fingers as I spoke, hoping my words might come true - for all of us. "It's all right, baby. You're gonna be fine." I hesitated, uncrossing my fingers to run my hand through my greasy hair. "Look, where are you, baby?"

He had to say it three times before I could make out what he meant. "Home," was all he said. His voice was slurred with tears.

"I'll come over, okay, baby? I'll be ten minutes, tops. Is anyone else home?"

"N-n-no," he stuttered, and I sighed. He needed someone with him right now, and it was killing me that I wasn't there to help him.

"Ten minutes, baby, okay? I'll call you when I'm almost there. Don't worry, you're gonna be fine now."

"Promise, Gee?" He sounded so small and vulnerable. It made me want to punch whoever had_done_ this to him.

"Cross my heart and hope to fucking die," I told him, and then I hung up before I got even angrier and more psycho-over-protective.

I put my phone away and walked back into the diner, hurriedly explaining what was wrong to Mikey and Ray, tossing them five dollars for my coffee and fries, and leaving them to spoon in the booth. I ran all the way to Frank's house, so I was there in just over five minutes, panting like a some sorta dying whale.

"Frankie?" I spluttered as I knocked on the door. I tried opening it again: it was locked. "Frankie? It's Gerard. Can you let me in?"

Fuck, where did I put that key? He gave me a key! I-

"Gee?" Frank's voice was hoarse and croaky from sobbing, and soft and shy and sweet. He sounded just as out of breath as I was. I looked up, and found him peeking cautiously out of his bedroom window, the curtains drawn around his teary face.

"I'm here, baby. Let me in?"

"I...one minute."

He was considerably longer than sixty seconds, but eventually he came to the door and let me in. I slammed it behind me, and he collapsed on top of me as soon as the outside world was out of view, sobbing again, though tearlessly, as if he'd run out of tears. I couldn't understand why he was so upset, but now didn't seem like a great time to ask him to get his shit together. He needed me. I was there. That was all I could do for him.

Gently, I tugged him to the sitting room, pulling him onto the sofa with me. I sat with my legs underneath me, and he curled around me, his head ending up in my lap. I ran my fingers through his almost-grown-out hair, tracing the scorpion on his neck with my pinky. He shuddered, but didn't complain, so I kept doing it until he calmed down, neither of us saying a single word.

"G-Gee?" he croaked, after the stillness had captured us both. He was calmer now, his breaths even and slower, but still looked distraught.

"I'm here, baby," I murmured stupidly. It seemed to placate him for a few minutes.

"They...Pencey broke up. We broke up. They've been thinking of doing it for weeks. And nobody...nobody told me. They did it behind my back. Said, _we just don't want to do this any more. And you're practically a part of your boyfriend's band, now. You should be thanking us_. They were meant to be my friends, Gee- I..." He trailed off desperately, and I rubbed his back, hoping to soothe him.

"Frankie..." I took a deep breath. "Frankie, I know it must feel awful. But...I'm here for you. And the guys...we all love you, y'know that. I know you and Mikey...didn't start off great, but you make me happy, so that makes him happy. You'd be so welcome to join. We'd love it, all of us. Especially me," I admitted, and I felt my cheeks get all hot.

"Really?" he asked, sounding kind of awestruck.

"Sure," I smiled at him. I was certain the others wouldn't mind, and anything to make him happy.

"I'd...I'd love that," he said sheepishly. "Would you...you wouldn't mind?"

"Not in the slightest," I grinned, kissing his forehead when he looked up at me. He grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me down towards him, kissing me once, hard on the lips, staring into my eyes for a split second and then kissing me again, harder and faster and _better_. I kissed him back hungrily, shocked but delighted, and we stayed like that, just making out, for ages, until he finally pulled away, gasping for breath, and readjusted himself to be more comfortable.

"Thank you, Gee. I don't deserve you," he murmured against my throat, kissing me once where the words hit my skin, making me shudder with sheer _need_.

"I love you," I whined, and he grinned, kissing my neck again, and then biting it softly, getting harder as my moans got louder.

"Frank! Frankie! Ah! Stop it...I need...Need..."

"What do you need, sweetie?" he asked innocently, laying me out flat, face down, on the sofa. He didn't get on top of me, so I opened one eye to squint around, and found him running his hands through my hair, tracing down my neck, across my shoulders, down my spine, until he got to my belt, and started unfastening it. Where his fingers caressed through my clothes, his lips followed, and I couldn't stop whining. _Why_ was he doing this?

Not that I wasn't enjoying it.

"I love you, Gerard," he whispered, tickling my ear, brushing my hair out of the way one last time, before he pulled my jeans off, then my jacket, so I was left just in my boxers and t-shirt.

"I love you, Frankie," I replied simply, and I felt him grin against me as he _finally_ fucked me.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is a combination of both Blood and I's writing. I don't know if you can figure out who wrote what, but if you think you can, I'll leave it for you to figure out.**

**-Deadly**

"You aren't worried at all are you?" Ray asked, glancing at my brother, who was throwing up in the parking lot again, and then back at me.

"Of course I'm worried! How could you accuse me of not being worried?" I demanded, kind of shocked and hurt that he could think that I wasn't.

"You don't seem it."

"Ray, who am I to ridicule him? We aren't any better."

"We aren't into drugs either."

"What's pot then? We've all done it. Gerard's just into the pills now..."

"Mikey, it doesn't matter. You need to do something."

"Why just me? Frank needs to help. You need to help. Matt's gone, and we have Bob, but what's Bob going to do?"

"What are _you_ going to do?" he countered, eyes expectant.

"I don't know! Why do you expect so much out of me, when I don't know the answers?!" I suddenly snapped, whirling around to glare at him.

"Mikey...don't start throwing a fit over this."

"I'm not throwing a fit you INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE!"

"Mikey!" His eyes were wide, but I was far from being done screaming at him.

"No! I don't want to hear it, Ray! You expect me to yell at Gee, when you haven't done anything either? You expect me to bitch at him for drinking so much when we do it too?! You expect me to be the only one who does something about it?! Well FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERYTHING. I'm done. If your going to be an asshole all the time, we are done! Do you understand me?! OVER. WE. ARE. OVER." I screamed. I turned and stormed off, leaving him stunned behind me.

~X.x.X~

I refused to speak to Ray. Absolutely refused. I avoided him as much as I could, even on the bus where it was hard. I moved to the spare bunk, refusing to even be in the same bed as him. Frank tried to reason with me, tried to tell me that maybe Ray was expecting me to do something because Gerard listened to me the most. I didn't want to hear it, and avoided Frank as well, tired of being ridiculed because I wouldn't bitch at Gerard.

Can you blame me? Gerard didn't deserve to be ridiculed, because we aren't any better. Of course I was worried; but interventions didn't work. My talks with him didn't work. Brian's talks with him didn't work. They just didn't understand that there was nothing in my power I could do.

Gerard made his own choices, even if they were really stupid ones.

I sank onto the hotel bed that I was sharing with Bob, because I refused to sleep with Ray. Bob wasn't particularly happy about sharing a bed, but he preferred me to having Frank share. Besides, Frank was with Gee, and I wouldn't split them apart for my own selfish reasons. So I stayed in there, and while Bob was sleeping, I kept my eyes wide open and tried to drown out the memory of the look on Ray's face that engulfed me entirely with the alien sounds of the hotel: a baby crying in another room, the TV buzzing incessantly, Bob's snoring. It didn't work.

~X.x.X~

A week passed. We were back on the bus now, back playing nearly every night. All of us were fucking shattered. Then another week passed. And another. I still avoided Ray, and he avoided me, but I started talking to Frank. He was just as terrified about what was happening to Gerard as I was, but he agreed more with Ray than with me on what to do about it. _We have to help him, Mikey. _I explained to him what I thought, but... no. He wouldn't agree with me, and I couldn't possibly convince him that it was up to Gerard, wasn't our choice. At least he didn't put all the pressure to suddenly heal Gerard or some shit on _me_. He was concerned. He was fucking petrified with all the anxiety and fear. Because he was killing himself, passively, at least. And it wasn't as if he hadn't talked about doing it actively. We wanted to keep him alive. We couldn't do that when we were all just as fucked up as he was.

So, nothing really changed until The Day of The Murdered Plants. It was irrelevant that he'd been pissed, had fallen into a fucking bush, of all things, and couldn't stand up, like some sorta stranded turtle, until Frank pulled him upright. None of that mattered. It was what he said. _I'll get better_. I'll get better. It gave me hope. It gave all of us hope.

While Frank was sobering his boyfriend up with coffee in the bunk room, I made my own mug in the kitchen-thing, doing my best to avoid the sofa where Ray was sitting with Bob. I was focused so hard on the boiling kettle that I didn't hear anyone come in behind me, and I jumped so hard when Ray touched my shoulder that I broke the empty mug and nearly scalded us both knocking the kettle over. "Sorry," we both muttered at the same time, and I don't know if he was looking at me or not, because my eyes were concentrating really hard on staring at the floor.

"So, uh, hey," I mumbled eventually, because it was fucking awkward with me just staring at his feet like that, the water dripping down the side onto the floor.

"You want some help cleaning that up?" he asked, and I nodded as gratefully as one can nod, so he grabbed a cloth and mopped all the boiling water while I swept up the mug.

"Y'know," he began, while we cleaned. "I kinda... Well, I just wanted to apologise Mikey. Because... I don't know. You two have always been really close, y'know? Really good for each other. And...you...were...really, uh, really good for...me. And...yeah. I put too much pressure on you, and I'm sorry for that, but I was already worked up, so I guess I shouldn't have spoken to you when I was angry. But I thought since you two were - are - so, I don't know, fucking telepathic or something, I thought it should be your job to sort him out. And I didn't realise how much it was hurting you. Or how much it was fucking you up. So...I'm sorry I hurt you. I just want you to know that, Mikes. I'm sorry."

By this time, he was staring at the floor, same as me, and since I was crouched to pick up the pieces of the cup - which suddenly seemed kinda symbolic, or ironic, or something (I don't know, I never paid attention in English) - I stared up at him, willing him to make eye contact. But as soon as he did, I looked away, intimidated by the prospect of intimacy. He could always see right through me, and the thought of him knowing what was going on in my head while we were all like this was alarmingly unpleasant.

"You're wrong, y'know," I replied simply, trying to sound as blasé as I could. It didn't work out too well: my vocal chords seemed to have shrunk to like a quarter of their normal size, so my voice was strained and squeaky, like it was breaking.

Ray's brow furrowed, puckering in the centre adorably. No..._no_, I wasn't allowed to _think_ that now. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...he trusted you more than me. A lot more than me. After 9/11...when he used to have those nightmares...it was you he wanted to talk to. Not me." Suddenly, I felt like I was going to cry, but I didn't know why. _Don't fucking cry_, I whispered to myself, earning a puzzled look from Ray.

"He trusts you, Mikes. More than you realise. He loves you." There was a pause, and I looked up into his eyes, which were more warm and sweet than I wanted to believe they would be. I fucking missed him.

"He loves you," he repeated, and I nodded.

"I know, Ray. But..." I faltered, and thought I might start sobbing, so coughed in an attempt to disguise it. I'm pretty sure it was a 100% ineffective method.

"But what, Mikey?" I swear to god he was gonna call me 'baby' then. I swear.

"But it doesn't matter. Because it's not enough to save him." I hesitated, and then the truth flooded out of me before I could even think to shut up. "_I'm_ not enough to save him."

"Oh, baby," he murmured, saying the word this time, and I collapsed into his arms like I would have done a month ago without half a second's thought.


End file.
